Rough Start
by bookwriter-lover1212
Summary: Set before the epilogue of Mockingjay. Told from Peeta's POV. Peeta has a hard time adjusting back in district 12 and wants to open up to Katniss, but finds it difficult with his memories being messed up and violent visions plaguing him. But, she's the only one who understands. T for safety.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games**

The screams were awful. So strangled with pain and fear, but there was nothing I could do. They could be heard from my house and I'm sure if Haymitch wasn't passed out he could hear them too. They floated out her bedroom window which she kept open all day and all night. They permeated through the thin walls of my house and found me wide awake in my bed from my own nightly terrors. All I could do was lay there and listen. I went to my window and opened it to hear her more clearly. She was screaming my name, but she didn't really want me. She wants the person who I used to be, not the mutt I have become. I returned to my bed and fell into a fitful sleep.

The next morning I rose early to begin my daily baking. I was tired and didn't want to do it, but I knew I had to do it or I would lose all motivation to do anything. Dr. Aurelius told me that routine would be good for me. I kneaded the bread and then put it in the oven. When it was done I took it out and sat it to cool before taking it to Haymitch. I knocked on his door but there was no answer. This wasn't unusual for Haymitch, he rarely ever answered his door. Too inconvenient he says. So I let myself into the house and found Haymitch passed out on the couch with a few empty glass bottles around him. Also not unusual.

"Haymitch," I said and threw the bag of bread at him. He awoke with a start and grumbled as he realized what had just happened.

"Can't I ever wake up naturally?" He muttered as he pushed past me and into the kitchen.

"You're lucky you wake up at all," I said and sat down at the little wooden table in his kitchen. Haymitch cut a few slices of bread and sat across from me. He began complaining about me and several other things and then fell silent. My mind wandered back to last night and the screams I had heard.

"Do you hear her? At night?"

"Who?"

"Katniss. Her screams."

"I hear them. She doesn't have anyone, you know," Haymitch said.

"What do you mean? She has more than me. She has her mother," I said. My whole family had been killed in the bombing of District 12.

"Her mother left her, Peeta. She went to some other district claiming it was too hard for her. Her own mother," Haymitch said. A memory flashed within me. A flash of Katniss starving behind the bakery and her attacking me for bread.

"Haymitch," I whispered, but it was too late.

"Peeta!" His yell sounded far away. I was back in the bakery. I was about twelve years old and there she was laying in the shadows of the bakery. She attacked me. she pushed me into the mud and beat me repeatedly. I gripped the edge of Haymitch's table to try and pull myself out of it, but it was strong. I flashed to a later event from in the games. Katniss was pulling a knife down my thigh. She was the reason they had to cut my leg off and I hated her for it. She was the reason my family was dead. I could feel my body convulsing. Where was I? I couldn't remember. Pain ripped through my body as I tried to decipher what was real and what wasn't. Her face flashed before my eyes and seemed so real. Her face had looked worried her hair a mess and still in pajamas.

"Peeta!" She screamed. Katniss. She had never hurt me, I forced myself to think. It's not real and I opened my eyes. It was over. I was laying on Haymitch's kitchen floor. The chair I had been sitting in was broken and the table was knocked over. Haymitch and Katniss stood over me. I looked at Katniss. This was the closest we had been since I returned to District twelve. I was too exhausted to move. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths before opening my eyes again. I struggled to get to my feet again and started for the door. I had made a fool of myself. No wonder Katniss thought I was such a monster. I put a hand against a wall to steady myself. I pulled the door open.

"Go after him sweetheart," Haymitch whispered to Katniss. She didn't respond and I kept struggling toward my house. I closed the door behind me and pulled myself down the steps. The door opened again.

"Peeta," She said quietly. I looked up at her. What was I supposed to say? What could I do?

"I'm sorry," I said and started away again. She ran down the stairs to catch up to me. She didn't say anything to me just walked beside me. I made it to my door without completely looking like a fool.

"Would you like to come in?" I asked without facing her.

"No," She said and hurried away and back into her house. I sighed and went into my own house.

Again the screams were pouring into my room and woke me from my own nightmare. She was screaming my name. More frantically than I had ever heard her scream before. I had to do something. I had to. I quickly attached my leg and ran as quickly as I could to her house. I tried the front door but it was locked. I ran to the back door and found it unlocked. I ran up the stairs and followed her screams into her room. She was asleep on her bed still screaming my name.

"Katniss," I said and shook her gently. She didn't wake up.

"Katniss!" I said louder becoming a little more frantic myself. She opened her eyes and lashed out at me. Her nails ripped into my face and her feet connected with my ribs. I quickly let go of her and backed myself against a far wall. She let out a scream of anguish and began to sob. I stayed in the shadows against the wall, my breathing heavy and ragged from the terror and probably a broken rib. She turned toward me startled.

"Peeta?" She asked. I scrambled to the door. She hadn't known I was there.

"Peeta! Wait!" She said and cut me off before I could reach the door. I stopped and stared at her.

"Peeta, your face. It's bleeding," She said.

"I know..." I said.

"Why? Why is it bleeding?" She asked, but recognition began to show on her face and I remained silent. "Oh god, I did that to you." I nodded slightly and breathed in another ragged breath and cringed at the pain.

"I'm so sorry," She whispered.

"You were scared," I replied and started to move around her toward the door.

"Wait, Peeta. I... Let me clean you up," She said. I could very well do it myself, but I could hear something in her voice that made me turn around. She led me to her bathroom and sat me down on the edge of her bathtub. I didn't say anything. She got a wet towel and some disinfectant. She sat on the edge with me and started to clean my face. I remembered her cleaning my wounds during the first hunger games.

"Katniss stop!" I said quickly and turned away from her. Two episodes in one day was rare for me, but I hadn't seen much of Katniss in a long time. The memories burned in my brain.

"Peeta it's not real," I felt her hand on my shoulder. I shook my head and didn't turn back toward her. I still felt the threat of the vision coming. Then she did the most unexpected thing. She wrapped her arms around my body and laid her head on my shoulder. My body tensed involuntarily.

"Peeta, I promise you it's not real. I would never hurt you," She whispered to me. I thought about her words and everything the doctors and Haymitch have told me. Katniss has never hurt me, I convinced myself. My body relaxed and she released me. I turned back around and she looked me in the eyes.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she said and reached up to wash off my wounds again. When she was done I rose to my feet.

"Thank you," I said and rushed from the room and out of the house.


	2. Chapter 2

I didn't sleep anymore that night. I laid awake in my bed. I didn't get up to make bread or eat breakfast. I didn't move. I was brought back to reality when the phone rang. I picked up the phone beside my bed.

"Hello?"

"Peeta Mellark is requested in the Capital for medical review by Dr. Aurelius. Train 0126 will arrive at exactly noon," The automated message clicked off. Medical review? I began to shake and dropped the phone. I was beginning to panic.

"Haymitch," I whispered. I got out of bed wearing pajama bottoms and no shirt. I ran down the flight of stairs and flung open the door not even bothering to put shoes on.

"Haymitch!" I yelled frantically reaching his front door.

"Haymitch!" I screamed fumbling with the door knob. I opened the door and began searching the house for the drunk.

"Haymitch!" I flew open his bedroom door. It was empty. He wasn't here. I sat down on his bed and tears began to escape my eyes. Oh god, they're going to lock me up or worse, I thought. The capital was going to get rid of me.

"Kid? What the hell are ya doing on my bed getting your tears all over it?" He asked with a slight slur.

"They're going to take me away, Haymitch. They're going to kill me," I said still shaking and freaking out.

"What are you talking about?" He asked sounding a little more concerned. I looked at him blood shot eyes to blood shot eyes. We were different, but the same.

"I got a call this morning from the capital saying that Dr. Aurelius needed to do another medical exam. Haymitch, they're going to kill me. They think I'm a monster," I let out a shaky breath.

"Look at me kid. If you're a monster so is everyone else in this god damned country. They wouldn't dare lay a hand on you," Haymitch said firmly.

"Why not? I'm dangerous," I said.

"You knocked over a table, kid. That hardly makes you a national threat," Haymitch smirked.

"How would they know all I did was knock over a table? How do they know I didn't hurt someone? This capital is just as corrupt as the last one. They're going to hurt me," I said.

"If they're just as corrupt as the last one they won't lay a hand on you. They'll hurt everyone you love first," Haymitch whispered.

"Katniss, oh my god," I got up from the bed and began pacing.

"Haymitch promise me you'll protect her. None of that shit you did for the quarter quell where you promised us both. You promise me that you'll keep her safe," I said threateningly.

"They aren't going to touch her, I promise. Now calm down," Haymitch said. I nodded and took a deep breath.

"You better go get ready. The train should be here soon," Haymitch said. I nodded again and rose to my feet uneasily. Haymitch clapped me on the back before I left the room and stumbled down the stairs. I felt like the drunk one. I was completely exhausted and could barely walk in a straight line. I managed to make it home and packed some clothes in a small duffle bag. I sat on the edge of my bed until about 11:30.

It was time for me to go. It was cool outside and the leaves were just beginning to change colors in the trees. I vaguely wondered if I would ever see it snow again, as I left the victor's village for what may be my last time.

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	3. Chapter 3

I waited patiently at the train station with several other residents from the newly rebuilt district twelve. The others are not like me. They would not be boarding the train with me. There is only one train that visits district twelve. It's both a supply train and a passenger train. There's no need for two trains because people rarely enter or exit the district.

The others stared at me. They knew who I was and they saw the duffle in my left hand. They knew what was going to happen to me and I could see the pity on their faces. I recognized some of them from before the war. Their faces had no sympathy, only a blank expression. They knew I didn't want them to feel bad for me.

"Peeta?" I heard her voice. I turned around slowly. She looked confused and concerned.

"What are you doing? Where are you going?" She sounded panicked. The train rolled into the station loudly. I remained silent as she wouldn't be able to hear my answer anyway. The train came to a stop and peace keepers, just as menacing as the old ones, immediately flooded the platform. Two peace keepers took me by the arms and a third grabbed my duffle. They started to take me away. I looked back at Katniss sadly.

"Peeta!" She screamed and started to run toward me, but another peace keeper stopped.

"Peeta! You can't take him!" Katniss yelled and struggled against the peace keepers. I was loaded onto the train and the doors closed behind me. The peace keepers released my arms and disappeared into the train. I remained at the doors. Katniss was still screaming, but I couldn't hear what she was saying. She had started hitting the peace keeper and was struggling still. Haymitch came up to her and pulled her away from the peace keeper and the train. She was screaming at him. The peace keepers boarded the train again in a different car and the train slowly began to move again. I stayed at the glass doors until I could no longer see Katniss.

The train had metal walls, floors, and ceilings. Boxes of supplies were stacked high to the ceiling. I settled myself on the floor beneath the window with my back against the cold wall. Hours must have past by and I was starving before a peace keeper came and brought me a glass of water and a plate of gray mush. Coming from district 12 I'm not usually picky about food, but what they were trying to feed me a dog wouldn't even eat. I forced some down because I knew I would need my strength once I reached the capital.

I was in and out of consciousness for the rest of the ride to the capitol. I was awoken with a start by a peace keeper who roughly lifted me off the ground and pushed me out onto the capitol train platform. There I was shoved into a car with windows so tinted I couldn't see out them. The car came to a stop after some time and I was pulled from the car.

A peace keeper put handcuffs on me and I was thrown into a memory of the night with Katniss in the basement. The night before Prim died. I shoved the memory out of my thoughts. Now was definitely not a good time to have an episode. The peace keepers pulled me down several white unidentifiable hallways and then into a door marked with the number 12. I was strapped onto the bed and then left alone in the room. I looked wildly around. There was nothing that could help me. I pulled at the restraints on my hands, but that only caused the to tighten.

"Struggling will only make it worse, Peeta," I heard Dr. Aurelius's voice. I looked up at the doorway and stopped struggling but by no means did I begin to relax.

"Do you know why you are here?" He asked.

"No," I said although I did really.

"You've been causing quite some concern here in the capitol. We're worried about the violent episodes you've been having," He said.

"Violent?" I asked.

"Yes, you're endangering everyone's life around you. Sure, you only broke a chair and knocked over a table, but who's to say it won't be worse next time? Who's to say you won't take a knife to Haymitch? Or strangle Katniss again?" He demanded. He was right and I remained silent.

"We have brought you here to help you," Dr. Aurelius explained. "We've come up with many new medical revelations we're dying to try. Mrs. Everdeen even helped us with some of them." The way he said "dying" made my skin crawl.

"Trial 1," Dr. Aurelius said and stuck me with a needle. A thick purple liquid entered my blood stream. It made my veins burn like my blood had suddenly turned to fire. I screamed for what seemed like days and then lost consciousness. When I regained my senses a tv was on and playing something on it. My vision was fuzzy but then I heard my voice coming from it. I tried harder to focus and realized it was my first games. Katniss was killing me. My vision became shiny and I pulled at the restraints keeping me on the bed.

"Trial two," I hadn't even realized Dr. Aurelius was in the room. He put a mask over my face and released a sort of gas. It smelled sweat, but also felt like fire. I tried to scream again, but only succeeded on choking on the gas causing me to pass out sooner than last time.

The next time I awoke it was dark in my room. No tv was on and Dr. Aurelius was gone. The mask wasn't on my face and there were no tubes in my arms or legs. I had to get out of here. I pulled wildly at the restraints trying hard not to panic. I calmed myself and slowly pulled at one of the restraints on my hand and was able to slip it out. I then easily removed my other hand, feet, and chest. I walked quietly to the door and to my surprise it was left unlocked.

I left the room and silently closed the door behind me. Where was I going to go? All the hallways looked the same and I couldn't remember how to out of the building. I chose a direction and walked that way. I walked for quite sometime carefully avoiding peace keepers and other personnel until an alarm sounded.

The alarm sounded and I could hear feet coming from all directions. I ran. I ran down the halls until I was stuck between two groups of peace keepers. I had two options: I could let the peace keepers take me or I could I open the door behind me and hope to find something good. I chose the latter. I threw open the white door and rushed inside and slammed the door shut. I frantically looked for something to barricade the door, but came up short.

"Peeta?" a voice asked. I spun around and found President Paylor sitting behind a desk. Just then the door flew open and the peace keepers grabbed me.

"Release him!" Paylor yelled above the commotion of my struggling. They let me go and I dropped to the floor. She shooed the peace keepers from the room and helped me into a chair.

"Peeta what are you doing here?" She asked so I told her everything. I told her about Katniss and the table, and the nightmares, the phone call, the train, the trials, the fire inside me, and lastly my escape.

"Oh Peeta. No more drugs. No more trials. I will fire Dr. Aurelius immediately. You won't get any more phone calls and neither will Katniss. I'm sure Haymitch would be happy to help you both. And I will personally escort you back to District 12. This is an outrage. I'm so incredibly sorry, Peeta," She said and gently touched the top of my head.

"I'll call Haymitch immediately and inform him that we'll be on our way back," She said and I nodded.

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